Category: Random Thoughts

Stance

Which stance do I take today?

I don’t feel like surrendering control.

I want to retaliate against those who’ve broken my peace.

I want to throw a fit like a little child to make my point.

I want to harden my heart and not give grace.

I don’t want to understand that they don’t understand.

I want my serene cocoon just the way I want it-

Untouched, pristine.

I want to put up walls and keep to myself,

Not deal with human interactions

At least until I can take that breath

that offers the first semblance of sweet surrender.

Searching

I search and search and here I am,

Although I don’t quite realize it.

I search and search and all the time you are near,

Although I can’t always feel you.

I search and search,

Troubled with longing.

I search and search,

Never quite finding

That which I’m searching for

Eludes me most of the time.

Rainy Saturday Morning

Nothing to do, nowhere to be.

Out the window I stare, so much to see.

Sitting still with the rain

Dripping off eaves,

Relaxing without guilt,

Wondering what I believe.

What I wanted yesterday may not be that today.

Or is it the gloom of the day having it’s way?

Slowing to wonder what I actually need,

Rather than scrolling someone else’s feed.

Time and mood now to write,

To express what’s inside and to bring some light.

The sun pops through the clouds

While puddles continue collecting drops.

My mind is saturated with muddied thoughts,

Even as the rain threatens to stop.

On into the day of unknown gray,

Of indecision and too much to say.

Winds of Change

These winds will blow us into tomorrow.

No matter how our unconscious tries to keep us stuck.

Whether we are pliable enough to adapt,

Is how we will land where we’re blown.

The resiliency with which we bounce

Will absorb our shock.

These waves will become part of our body,

Until we understand that this is all of who we are.

Blowing into becoming, into being.

The breath of life will always blow us right where we need to be

When we need to be there.

Flowing with this breath of the universe,

More precise in its divine promise than we’ll ever comprehend,

We can be certain that even when we feel blown into the abyss,

We are always swirling in the cosmic consciousness that is our original home.

This may feel far away,

This may feel topsy turvy.

Hang on for the ride and take a deep breath-

The winds will settle now and again.

These are the times to integrate and reflect,

The times to recalibrate for the next wind trip to come.

To appreciate all that reconfigures after each landing,

Until we begin to notice how we softly float to the earth like a leaf,

More often than not after each fall wind.

How we blossom into being more fully each spring,

Unafraid of wind’s unexpected nature and flowing with its breath.

Innocent like a baby, adventurous like a teenager.

Open to wherever these winds may blow us,

Graceful, exploring new dimensions and configurations with ease.

Artful swirling, like a Van Gogh painting-

A creation of beauty unbeknownst until the final creation is revealed.

Until the winds of change blow again…..

Sun Gate

The sun comes up beyond the gate,

Its light sifts through in fragments.

Can we remember that the sun will rise above us too?

At times, this arc may feel imperceptibly slow….

In those moments, can we see that the fractals playing through the gates

that we sometimes construct ourselves

Are just as beautiful as the full brilliance of the sun?

For they are shreds of the same source that warm us.

This light that fills the sky,

Ancient virgin who bears pure life into all the barren spaces.

Sun sparks of creativity and we remember our connection.

Sometimes the gate even opens and allows sun to flow in like a river,

Surging forth its illumination of inspiration,

Sometimes coming in waves of ebb and flow.

And then again, speckled like glitter that adorns our body,

Permeating skin to touch soul.

Sun sparkles spirit into animation

Of hope, love, connection, clarity, permanence, inspiration.

The gate is unlocked.

Belonging

Longing to be

To be me in this place

And then again, that place

This situation, these people…

Are they mine,

Am I theirs?

Is there ever really a place to be,

Or a state to be,

Where we can truly, fully be?

To be free in the context we find ourselves in,

To express our uniqueness and our sameness,

To share our joys and our sorrows,

Without judgement or worry of acceptance.

The word having longing in it….

Is it a self-fulfilling prophecy that we must

Always long to be?

Not only in relations and contexts,

But simply being…..

Is that our longing?

Gift of Dawn

Still pink dawn of morning,

Pale moon faint in sky becoming sleepy with day.

The whisperings of in-between hours

Melting thoughts away as dreams fade too.

The quietness of nothing,

Neither beaconing nor faltering.

Choosing now for itself

To pour brilliance over land

in slow spatterings of sunbeams

as they trickle to earth.

Soft dew recedes as moon calls each drop home again.

Exhaling her gift of dawn as sweet heartbreath,

Moon empties of self.

Lifted From the Ashes

Woke up to ash covering everything the other day.

What did this mean for a new life here?

Am I flying too close to the sun, melting my wings, crashing and burning?

Or will I rise from the ashes like the phoenix in glory?

Today, we can breathe again, we can see again.

Lifted from the ashes, at least for now.

I realize the surrender inherent in this,

To be ok with waking up to whatever is.

Allowing the feelings of fear of the unknown, and hope and promise,

To swell and quell, ebb and flow.

All part of earth’s journey, of the human journey.

Experiencing the intertwining of it all this close,

To touch, see, smell, taste, and hear it all in real time.

Am I ready to be fully alive and human,

In all its smokiness, its ashiness, its fieriness, its power?

In all its clarity, its expansiveness, its creativity, its abundance?

Am I ready to surrender to the earth’s rhythms, to the beat of the fully alive human heart?

I sense that I am.

Standing on the precipice of the mountain,

Surveying the contours above, below, and within.

Touching, as I listen to my own heart as part of the whole rhythm,

A deeper sense of belonging and knowing.

Feeling closer to freedom even in the perils of jumping.

Of flying, of surrendering, of opening my wings even if they get burned.

From a place of deep knowing that I will always rise from the ashes,

No matter what form I may take next.

Perhaps Freedom

Perhaps freedom is independence.

Independence in choosing where and how you want to be.

In choosing who you share life with and what you want to do.

Perhaps freedom is knowing that no matter what now seems like an obstacle

Can always be transformed into a stepping stone on your path to new life.

Perhaps freedom is finding the strength to not allow yourself to be burdened by

The mundane parts of the day or the parts that try to draw you backwards.

Perhaps freedom is knowing that you hold the power and the wisdom of the Universe

Inside your very own Self.

Perhaps freedom is choosing to surrender and let go of the need to control outcomes and expectations of what perfection looks like.

Perhaps freedom is breathing in fresh air and taking root on the Earth,

Feeling the heartbeats of our ancestors and giving gratitude for this alone.

Perhaps freedom is whispering, “Thank you” to the past and the future,

Right here, right now.

Perhaps freedom is what you are free to choose to believe and to feel

each new moment of each new day.

Perhaps freedom is ours for the choosing.